"When Heart Beats Are The Same"
Penguin Books
Zeenat and I started being linked with each other in the magazines and newspapers that people hungry for gossip love to read. For, while she was the adorable painting that they loved to watch, admire and emulate, I was the painter who had etched that painting. The colours were mine as was the finished drawing on the canvas. While she as a person was God's creation, her image was of my making, and together we became inseparable in the public eye.
Whenever and wherever she was talked about glowingly, I loved it. And whenever and wherever I was discussed in the same vein, she was jubilant. In the subconscious, we had become emotionally attached to each other.
At the silver jubilee celebration of Hare Rama Hare Krishna at a theatre in Calcutta, as Usha Uthup, the famous pop singer, sang the Dum maro dum number on stage and reached the crescendo of her rendering, she pulled Zeenat, who was sitting in the audience, on stage; Zeenat in turn pulled me on stage too, so that together we could sing along with Usha. The audience in a moment of spontaneity also jumped up on stage and the song became a chorus of over a hundred voices. The maddened crowds picked Zeenat up on their shoulders, raising her heavenwards. I felt proud of her, and yet, at the same time, I felt a stab of jealously; of possessiveness as well. How could they own her in that way? She was my prized possession! I knew it was a stupid thought on my part, but I couldn't help it.
A couple of years later, after the premiere of Ishq Ishq Ishq at Metro cinema, Raj Kapoor kissed Zeenat in full view of the invited audience, congratulating her for her sparkling performance in the film. That must have made her evening all the more sparkling. Again I felt proud of her, as much as I admired Raj Kapoor for his honest and spontaneous reaction. Complimenting her was indirectly complimenting her mentor, and I inwardly saluted my contemporary filmmaker for his sound judgement.
Yet, I was jealous of him for making advances on what I considered my sole possession, my discovery, my leading lady, and desiring her with a kiss.
I picked her up. Together we went to the party. It was on in full force. The first person who greeted Zeenat from a distance was a drunken Raj Kapoor, with a gallant drawl, 'There she is! He threw his arms around her exuberantly.
This suddenly stuck me as a little too familiar. And the way she reciprocated his embrace seemed much more than just polite and courteous. She quickly bent down to touch his feet, and then gave me an embarrassed look. Raj grasped my hand in a very tight grip, like never before, as if trying to make amends for some wrong he had done, suddenly overflowing with affection.
A hint of suspicion crossed my mind. A couple of days earlier, a rumour had been floating around the Zeenat had gone to Raj's studio for a screen test for the main role in his new movie Satyam Shivam Sundaram. The hearsay now started ringing true. My heart was bleeding.
'You are breaking your promise,' Raj was now telling Zeenat in his drunken joviality, 'that you will always be seen by me only in a white sari!'
More embarrassment was writ large on her face, and Zeenat was not the same Zeenat for me any more.
The painting I had made of her started showing signs of cracking.' How long do you intend staying here, Zeenat?' I asked her.
She looked at Raj, as if seeking his permission to leave.
'Let her stay here, Dev -- and you too -- enjoy!' he said in a drunken drawl.
'By all means,' I said. 'Enjoy, Zeenat. Call me up later, when you feel like it!'
'But aren't we suppose to be going to the other place together?' she casually asked.
'Doesn't matter!' I said.
The rendezvous had already lost all meaning in my mind.
I sneaked out of the place, quietly apologizing to the host.
A group of chanting devotees was passing by my car. I sat listening to the sound of cymbals and bells.
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Ram Hare Ram
Ram Ram Hare Hare
I closed my eyes. Zeenat still remained beautiful in my eyes, with an honest soul. And Raj a passionate filmmaker.
I opened my eyes. A streak of lightning seemed to flash across my mind and inspired a new thought. I started pursuing it. A new chapter was thrown open before me, its first pages slowly unfolding.
The idea of a new film was coming slowly into focus.
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