Actual Conversations With Customers Around The World
Show The Occifer Some Respect
Nervous blonde I pulled over: “Hello occifer, what can I do for you?”
Sure Sweetheart, Your Place Or Mine?
Lawn Care Customer: “Can you fertilize me next week?”
Sure, I’ll Get The Ones That Sing & Dance
Seafood Restaurant Customer: (While looking at the lobster tank full of live lobsters) “Do you have any fresh ones?”
A Rose By Any Other Name
(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)
Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”
Customer: “Where can I get it?”
Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*
Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”
Me: “Yes…”
Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip
(I was working the candy bar when a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)
Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn please.”
(There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)
On The Need For Consumer IQ Requirements
Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”
Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”
Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”
Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”
Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.
Customer: “Can I have a banana?”
Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*
Customer: “Uh, actually.. could I have a more ripe banana?”
(I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)
Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”
(I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)
The Proud And Stupid
(This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)
Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”
My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”
Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page 10 in your ad!”
My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page 10* “Ma’am, page 10 is electronics.”
Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”
My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”
Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”
My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”
Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*
Like, Oh My God!
College Girl #1: “Our friend is registered here, but we can’t find her name on the computer.”
College Girl #2: “Yeah, it’s broken.”
College Girl #1: “She’s like one of our best friends and we need to get her a present.”
College Girl #2: “Yeah.”
Me: “Oh, okay, well let’s try it again.”
(We walk over to the gift registry kiosk.)
Me: “So is your friend registered for a wedding or baby shower?”
(The two girls look at each other confused.)
College Girl #2: “…Wedding?”
Me: “Okay…what’s her first name?”
College Girl #1: “Sarah…”
Me: “Is that with an ‘h’ at the end, or is it just S-A-R-A?”
(The two girls look at each other confused.)
Me: “Okay, well the computer can search using the first two letters of the first name, so we’ll just put in S-A. And what is her last name?”
College Girl #1: *says something unintelligible that sounds like “Pheuyben”*
Me: “And how do you spell it?”
(The girls look at each other confused.)
College Girl #2: “Um…”
College Girl #1: “Uh…”
Me: “Does it start with an ‘f’ or a ‘p-h’?”
College Girl #1: “P-h.”
College Girl #2: “F.”
(The girls look at each other confused.)
(Oh. My. God. If I had “best friends” like that I’d swallow some Drano.)
Not Unless It Has A Prenup
(This is where I entered the conversation.)
Lady customer: “Yes, I have at home a ‘widows’ computer. Will the software work on a ‘widows’ computer?”
Why Mom Isn’t Part Of The Admissions Criteria
(Working in a psychology department main office.)
Caller: “Do you have the courses for a psychology graduate degree posted on you website?”
Me: “Let me check….yes, they are posted on our website.”
Caller: “But I can’t find them!”
(I spend a couple minutes navigating her through our website. Once at the right page…)
Me: “Is that all?”
Caller: “Well she’s a sophomore, so is this what she needs?”
Me: “No, if she’s an undergraduate she’ll need something else.”
(I navigate her to our undergraduate listings.)
Caller: “BUT, these are all PSYCHOLOGY classes!!”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s what you asked for….”
Caller: “No, I wanted the English requirements!”
Me: “For an English degree?”
Caller: “No the English requirements for a psychology degree!”
Me: “Ma’am, do you want the Gen Ed requirements for all bachelor’s degrees?”
Caller: “YES!!! That’s what I want!”
(This call continues for many more minutes in which I explain that she should already have a huge packet on that from when her daughter started college. When she insists that they never got that, I actually navigate her over to the admission website, talk her through downloading the packet (a 600 page PDF), and have to explain not only what page to turn to, but where to look on the page.)
(For her daughter’s sake, let’s hope it’s not hereditary.)
n Be Lazy
Customer: “I need a door.”
Me: “What kind of door?”
Customer: “You’re the professional!”
Me: “…”
Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”
Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”
Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”
Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”
*throws self out window*
These and more at Not Always Right
1 comment:
Lol, you've got to add this,
At my store, we put the cream/milk/sugar/sweetner/whatever in the coffee/tea for the customers, thus saving them the need to stand in another line for these things. However, sometimes you get weird people.
Like this dude, who made me add milk to his Honey-Lemon tea (even though I said that he shouldn't do it) and then insisted on "talking with the manager" when the milk became cheese in front of his eyes.
Post a Comment