Inside the mind of a manic depressive

An entry from the weblog of a manic depressive

December 12th, 2007

My ability to engage in passive conversation has left me. I can’t trust my mind right now, it has become poison. There is no contentment behind my words. My eyes have become hypercritical and ultra particular. I must refrain from participating. I lose control too easily. It’s the momentum of thoughts and how they begin to snowball. I get carried away by the compulsion of my ideas. The confrontation pulsating through my body. One taste and I spiral into disregard for everything. Committed to a path that I will soon regret. Forever tainting my appearance to the world that knows so little about what is happening inside my head. I must stop. My future depends on it.

This blog struck me as poignantly candid.It is a real time documentation of a man's descent into the hell that manic depressive illness is.
Usually manic depressives are perceived by people as being plain mean, evil, manipulative and unpredictable.Its more like a human being trapped inside an invisible electrified cage struggling to get out, to reach out.Whosoever ventures forth to rescue him/her, gets a shock and since he/she cannot see the fence, he blames the victim for it.A manic depressive usually ends up isolating himself greatly, inspite of himself.
Even for mental health care professionals, friends and empathizers in general , it is easy to overlook the signs of this illness and brand the sufferer as a vicious person after having spent a little time with them.
This illness does not display overt signs usually congruent to other mental illnesses such as blatant incoherence or hysterical behavior.In my experience it is the super smart ones who are struck by this illness more often than not.Cursed by their genius.
I do not quite frankly know the take of the psychiatrist fraternity on this, (nor do I care since all of pharmaceutical industry is fuelled by pure greed and lack of even the most basic ethics or empathy for human life) but as far as I've seen MDI doesnot respond very well to drugs.

To those who do not know much about MDI.There's no better way to understand it than vicariously experience it through the mind of a manic depressive
Maybe you'll recognize yourself or one of your own family or friends in him.

If you or a loved one is suffering from MDI, here are some tips which seem to help
1)try and keep yourself busy doing what you love.
2)If you have artistic/creative leanings do not choose a lucrative career over what you'd rather be doing.
3) Cultivate humility and respect towards fellow human beings.Keep all your judgements (if you must absolutely pass them) objective.Realize that others are merely as human as you are.Keep yourself from falling into the cynicism trap.I have a rule that every human being deserves basic respect, regardless of what his or her position is monetarily, his/her age, level of education, level of intelligence or physical appearance.Feel one with all of humanity.every time you suffer, there are millions other who suffer with you, just like you or worse.
4)Indulge in some kind of charitable work.Actual participation, not just donations.
5) Have a reasonable view of yourself as well as the world.Avoid both hypercritical as well as megalomaniacal propensities.
6) Have a pet (unless ofcourse you hate animals which for me is impossible to do)
Do not write off owning a dog, unless you've actually had one.
7) Go for long walks and breathe in the sights with your eyes and remember nature is as mundane or exotic as your own mind.
8) Write a journal, this takes some mental steeling on your part.Write how you feel, bare yourself to the world.Don't put on a front you'd like people to believe in, write who you are.Write what makes you feel weak.We are usually at our best behavior when we are being watched

Most of us are in a gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars