How to deal with an existential crisis-The Straight Dope

So here you are, earning well, doing what you always thought you would with your life, you're with the right man/woman.Things are good, things are fine.Yet under the surface something feels amiss.This deep void starts creeping up inside of you and you start questioning everything.

Gradually it consumes you and drags you into this constant state of spiritual fatigue and despondency.You start thinking more and more of your 'wasted youth' , your happy childhood and less and less about the present.People disappoint you. Why is the world so cruel?Why good things happen to bad people and bad things to good people? Why is a loved one terminally ill ? why do capitalists thrive while millions around the world starve to death.Why god? why me? Are you even real god or am I just wasting my time?

Sounds familiar? You are in the state of an existential crisis my friend.Its basically your soul waking up to you one day and saying 'Dude where's my life!?'

Existential crises make you question EVERYTHING, they rock the foundation of your belief system.But they are inevitable and you must not shirk away from them.Its a sign of your soul awakening to reality, much like the way Neo does in the movie Matrix after taking the red pill.Are you going to let it overwhelm you or are you going to be thankful for the clarity?

How to deal
1. In real world you have to take both the pills, a bit of fantasy and a bit of reality keeps things in balance, thats what movies books and other entertainment arts are for.Nourish your soul in the midst of an existential crisis.I will not recommend shopping for the sake of shopping because spending money mindlessly is usually just a temporary high and later leaves you feeling emptier than before.
Watch a masterpiece of a movie, visit an art gallery or go to a place of natural beauty , just to be alone.Do not indulge in substance abuse.You are vulnerable to addiction during an existential crisis.Actually substance abuse itself indicates vulnerability.You need mental clarity at this time, not further fogginess and confusion.

2. Connect with god.Visit a place of worship.Yes there IS a higher power and he'll make his presence felt when you least expect it.Don't let cynicism attribute little miracles of your life to mere coincidences.The last time I visited a gurudwara, the raagis(sikh hymn singers) were singing a shabd(a hymn in punjabi) 'Man kyun bairaag karega, satguru mera poora' which roughly translates to 'Oh heart why do you feel despondent and dispassionate when god offers all of his lush self to you?' I was overwhelmed to the point of tears.That was god right there, talking to me.He talks if you are willing to listen, he'll talk through people and he'll talk through things.Just listen, don't lock him out.

3.Find your core.what are you? minus your suit and tie, minus your job,minus the deadlines, minus the social pretense, minus your makeup?
Whats the one thing you'd rather be doing if there was no job, no pressure, no deadlines to meet?I am not talking about wasting time on the internet (can get very boring after a while) but something which makes your soul soar, something which may drain you phsyically but makes you feel lush spiritually.
That is the real you, your core.
In my case its art and the sheer joy of creating.

4.Charity, don't undermine the importance of charity.Are you really that thankless, snivelling, devious yuppie that you pretend to be day in and day out? If you think yes, then your existential crisis will hit you harder than it hits other people.If you keep denying the vulnerability of being human, you will be least prepared for itwhen your soul begins to crumble
Charity is not merely donating something you don't use.Its overall kindness inculcated in your everyday behavior.Never undermine the importance of a smile, a kind word and politeness in general.Be nice to people.If you are a businessperson, see people as people, not prospective customers and clients.Don't expect any sort of gratefulness in return either.If you donate, donate anonymously.If you feel that people not knowing how generous and wonderful you are, is something of a personal loss to you, you're not doing a good enough job of charity.


5.Chuck the supercilious attitude.Humble yourself, in front of god, in front of the common man. So you have a MENSA IQ and went to the greatest business school on the earth to get your MBA.How does it make you any better than the rest of the humanity? A high IQ or a pay package still cannot beat inherent wisdom in any which way.It certainly does not make one a good person.One could be a 160 on the IQ scale and still be a loathesome schmuck.
And don't be snotty about your USUALLY ACQUIRED tastes in the arts/music/fashion/movies either.
Learn to appreciate the kitsch of life as well.See the people toil through life, respect them.It works everytime for me.I love people who go though life the way one ought to, not allowing themselves to be derailed by personal loss and tragedy.Life is not what you get but how you cope.

6.Breathe deeply

7. Ban any thoughts of self-hate.usually whatever it is that makes you feel inferior when you compare yourself with someone else is usually a pretense that the other person has put on.Be prudent and objective even when it comes to your own self, don't be hypercritical.

8. Be faithful to your spouse.Having a fling at times seems the easiest way out of an existential crisis.It'll only push you deeper, infidelity is sadly made to look very glamorous in the media.I think its the ugliest thing you can do to your spouse.Do not mess up your relationship chasing some thrilling fantasy.Or just because you think your spouse is 'boring'/'not hot enough' compared to the ridiculous standards created by media.I recommend shunning the commonplace media and cultural trends altogether.They all thrive by feeding on your personal anxiety and insecurity.

I know some men who'd cheat on their wives and girlfriends simply because they cannot resist if a beautiful woman makes a pass at them.Really? Are you a pathetic hungry dog on the street who'd jump at the first piece of meat he sees? Have some integrity.Giving in to temptation is an expression of lack of self respect.Are you going to let someone else have that kind of power on you?

If you are ever sexually tempted outside of a relationship, visualise the most innocent, cutest and childlike look on your spouse's face you've ever seen.When he or she looked the most vulnerable.Are you going to hurt that child inside of them irrepairably just for some sleazy casanova/jezebel who probably doesn't even care much about you as a human being.
Watch it, they are predators, you are nothing more than a piece of meat to them, keep away.

Don't keep chasing the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.Most of us have this habit of wondering if things could be better with someone else.No they won't be.All relationships eventually tend to cool down to the 'familiarity breeds contempt' stage.Choose one carefully and stick to her/him... create the magic, keep it alive.

However if you are in an abusive relationship, walk out.You owe yourself better than being left in a perpetual lurch by an exploitative person


9. Meet childhood friends.I mean friends, real ones.Not long lost ex-classmates who don't want to do much besides compare themselves with you and drop subtle and not so subtle hints about how much better they (think they) are doing in life than you!How to spot them : They'll start a conversation with not 'hey how are you?' but rather 'what do you do?' and then quickly proceed to rant on about their work, their payscale, their boss, their shitty new I-Phone, or Vaio instead of listening to your reply patiently.


10. If you are single, an existential crisis or a depressed phase is the worst time to look for a mate/spouse.Its also unfair, since you believe one person will come and chase away all your troubles.Its romantic fluff, dismiss it.Starting a new relationship is almost like having a baby.If you are unfit yourself, how are you going to take care of the baby?Again I'll stress, see people for what they are, not what you can get out of them.Don't translate your friendships into relationships just because you are feeling needy.

11.Be happy the way you are, remember usual does not equal normal.It is normal for you to be thicker than the coat hangers walking around on the street.It is normal for you to own a small car instead of a sedan.It is normal for you to never want to go clubbing.Its normal for to you have aspirations which veer away from those of your peers.Its all good.Be easy.

12.If you feel out of place anywhere, a job, a family situation, a social gathering...get out.Don't try to fit in.

13. Talk to someone older and much more experienced in life.Listen to them, they are pearls of wisdom gleaned from years of practice at something you are still learning ... life.They are not lunatic rants of an old person.Even if they sound like rants, try and decipher them, you'll be amazed at what you can learn

14. Keep yourself open to wisdom.Don't be guarded or dismissive of advice from people you think are beneath you.God and wisdom can come to you in any form.

15. If your existential crisis was triggered by a major change in your life, an illness, a spouse leaving or losing a job, don't wallow in your misery.Think of what you can do to change the situation, write down on a piece of paper what you plan to do next, how you wish to cope. don't turn away from life, rather embrace it.It'll hug you back eventually. Just think of the present situation as just something you have to deal with .Life, it goes on.Keep moving, stagnation is death.

16. remember life throws problems at everyone of us, some of us are just better at hiding it/dealing with it. If your life was unfair to you, no way does that give you a right to become a cynical grouch trying to exact revenge on the world.You'll only end up isolating yourself.Get out of the 'I hate everyone because they don't get me.' mindset.Oh they understand you just fine, even if they don't show it.It doesn't matter whether the world understands you or not.Do you understand yourself? Its a dangerous state to be in if the whole world knows what you're about, but you don't know it yourself.Kind of like walking in public with your fly open/ slip showing!


17. Conscience is karma in its youngest stages.If you shut your conscience up constantly, it'll grow up into a ferocious karma and it won't be that easy to run from it then!


18. Last but not the least learn to tell the difference between an existential crisis and a mental illness.You emerge stronger and calmer from an existential crisis.You also gain clarity and insight.You feel focused, not like a piece of driftwood going around aimlessly with the flow.But a mental illness keeps dragging you down to depths of despondency and mental fogginess.Get help.





Existential crises are to life what the big bang was to the universe.A simultaneous act of total destruction and reconstruction.A fresh take on life, bringing you closer to your real self, closer to the purity of life.Be a phoenix which rises from the ashes, not a stack of hay which stays nothing but a pile of ash after it burns down.YOU are the power!
More power to you!